McLove.

"Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you."

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 18:38:00 -0500

“Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you.”

justin: Marissa, will you marry me?

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 06:39:38 -0500

justin:

Marissa, will you marry me?

i can do this.

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 16:54:00 -0500

i cant write. why do i feel like such a failure. my thoughts on things never come across the way i want them to. it really frustrates me and i wish i could build up the confidence i used to have in writing. how am i going to do that? by reading and writing more. It just frustrates me because I feel like every time i write, I’m scared that it does not make sense to people. I feel like I do not know how to connect the important points that I want to make. i feel like i try too hard sometimes too. I really want to become a better writer.

wishing upon a shooting star.

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 07:18:00 -0500

Tuesday, 11/17/09 1:30am

Today was the Leonides meteor shower. Few of my friends and i went to experience this shower at turtle rock and it was quite my first time experience.

Throughout the whole time, i missed seeing two in the beginning. However, it felt almost meant to be that because i missed those first two shooting stars, the very first one i’ve seen in my life was one of the brightest shooting stars we saw all night. When we were leaving, we took the wrong way out and when we realized and turned around, we saw the biggest, brightest shooting star. We joked and said “wow, guys. we didnt see shooting stars tonight, we saw fireballs!” I still cannot believe that sometimes, things really do happen for a reason. If we didnt get lost trying to get out, we wouldnt have witnessed that epic moment.

During the wait, i was just thinking about what i wanted to wish for. There were several wishes. Call me greedy. But every time i saw a star, i just made the same wish.

I analyzed a little bit about the people who went to watch this meteor shower. It made me question a little about what people were waiting for. laying on the dirt ground for these stars that weren’t even guaranteed to shower the earth. Is it this sense of hope that we want for ourselves when we make a wish upon a falling star?

The experience was phenomenal. The anticipation of just waiting there with a stiff, sore neck was nothing. It was a little bit funny to me because everyone, including myself… was laying there for something along the lines of… getting a sense of hope.

how do you know

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 05:18:00 -0500

when you like someone.

what does it mean to like someone? why do i feel so numb. why do i feel so emotionally blocked from the world. from people. from significant others. am i just scared? to get hurt…?

my TA shared something with us last week and i think she helped me how to find my inner feelings again. she related with me when she shared with us that when she falls in love, she falls hard. we only have one life to live, so why not? i agree to a certain degree. because sometimes, i just really dont want to go through the pain anymore. it drains me out when all i really want is to be happy with the person i like. when i strive for it and put my whole heart out for the person i like… i…

i’m just going to end it there. i just reread what i wrote and i just hate my writing. i wish i was a more coherent writer. i wish my writings made more sense. i wish i knew how to carry my thoughts across more clearly.

forgetful.

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 05:09:26 -0500

why do i have to care so much. about others. about how other’s perceive me. i feel like i’m never doing enough for my friends and even myself.

I feel so aloof about things and i feel so bad every time i forget jokes, stories and memories that i want to remember.

Do you ever have that nostalgic feeling that makes you so frustrated because you heard something but can’t recall it and you want to share it so badly with someone? It happens to me a lot and i absolutely hate it. I really want to carry a note book around me so i can just document everything. every word. every feeling. i want to document every little detail i go through in a day and have it down on paper or a blog to remember.

there are so many interesting things that happen to me everyday and i want to beat myself up for not writing it down at the moment. why cant i remember things?

-debbie’s place: crazy lady/neighbor barges into their house for noise complaint
-shopping with brandon and roomies.
-coffeebean @ 11pm with Junice and Kang

you and me can write a Bad Romance “…I don’t...

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 05:02:00 -0500

you and me can write a Bad Romance

“…I don’t wanna be friends.”

_i really like this song at the moment. it’s catchy and i like the beat.

friends and life.

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 22:37:16 -0500

there’s so much that i learn every single day.
and i feel more than blessed to say that, today was one of those many days where i feel like i’m starting to learn more and more about myself, how everything i learn in a day is helping me become stronger, wiser and more successful.

i went to training today and then had a VIP conference with a few friends. After the conference with Junice, I realized how much more I have grown from the past month and a half. I am now more in control of my own mind, I know what i want for not only myself, but for my family. I am never satisfied with the things I do and i always feel as if anything i do is just never enough. however, for once, i think i’d have to say, i’m pretty proud of myself… for sticking through with things that has been putting me through emotional roller coasters and challenges i thought i’d never overcome, such as voicing my thoughts, being strong, and going for what I deserve in life.

I feel like i am on fire. I am about to conquer the world, life, and all the things this planet has to offer. I have a little voice in my head right now that casts doubts for some reason. I just want to be honest with that. But u know what, i always here that your destiny is in your own hands. It’s what you make out of it. and i am going to do it. I am about to make things happen BIG in my life, for my family, for my parents, the ones i love, for my successful future that’s about to come.

I went to work out after and it felt so good knowing that i was on the elliptical for almost an hour, doing 4miles and burning almost 500 calories!!! Although winter’s barely here, you know what… SUMMER 2010, I AM READY FOR YOU! :D

Amara (my roomie) is sick today and i just called my mom to ask for instructions on making porridge. I hope she feels better soon… :( I don’t like it when my friends are sick

I am currently in the process of writing an email to the best educator in the world, Professor Bach. I want to let him know how admirable and thankful it is that UCI has such a great educator like him. I think everyone in the world should take his class… his classes are literally life changing, what feels like. I think he’s definitely one of the reasons why i even want to stay in college. just so that i could take more classes from him and learn&hear all the philosophies about life he has to share with his students. I’ve never had a teacher so passionate for his students before. The upper division class i’m taking with him is difficult but because of Professor Bach, i didnt care. I actually didn’t want to take another class just to “get by” with an A.

As i was saying, i just got back from working out with Ana. I bumped into two friends who wanted me to go party with them tonight at one of my close friend’s house. I havent talked to him in a while and it just feels like we’ve lost in touch… I miss him. I gave him a call right when i got home.

I teared up a little bit after calling my friend. Lately, i haven’t been “in touch” with my feelings. if that even makes any sense. As in, nothing really moved me, affected me or made me feel emotional about anything… until i realized what actually hurts me the most is realizing what felt like a good friend has forgotten you after he/she has a significant other.

I’m so happy for him. I was so happy when he told me that he finally found someone who he genuinely deserves. who makes him happy at the end of the night and excited to wake up to begin the day. I was literally feeding off his happiness and possibly, even happier than him almost. lol. I’d do anything for my friends and i dont say it to brag or expect anything in return ever. His girlfriend needed a ride to work and he had to get on carpool early in the morning at 7. I woke up at 6:30am to go with him so his girlfriend could get to work on time. He said his bestfriend who he actually lives with couldn’t wake up. After, i went shopping with him to buy groceries and things for his surprise for her birthday that day. I think that was the last day we “hung out.”

I dont mind if a friend takes advantage of me because every i meet a new friend, i just genuinely want to be the best of friends with them because i always believed that friends are the greatest gift you can give yourself. I just dont like it when these friends would treat me as if i’m no one to them, it just hurts. it just feels like i could be put aside when they find someone new. so far, that really hasnt happened. but i understand that people come and people go and life is going to be happy and wonderful no matter what because it’s really ME who makes life what i want it to be. =)

i love you mom, i love you dad, i love you justin, i love you everyone who i am so blessed with <3

Mom and Dad

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 21:47:03 -0400

i was just reading a short novel called “My Kid Sister” and there was a scene where it talked about how the mom took her daughter to the park everyday after school/work.

It gave me the sudden urgency to jot it down because it made me reminisce the late afternoons when my parents used to take me and my little brother (he was probably 4 or 5 yrs old) to the park after picking him up from pre-school. I miss the days when my dad was free to do anything with us at any time of the day. I miss having family days like that. I remember so clearly how excited I would be every time mom and dad find a new park to take us to. Although there weren’t that many that they took us to, every visit felt just as new as the first.

I miss taking care of my little brother when he was that young. We connect really well now, but on a different level. I miss his innocence as a toddler because now, he’s just a macho boy with an alpha male attitude -__-. lol, i love him.

I want to retire my parents so badly already. That day is going to come soon, it has to and I will do anything i can to accomplish that.

I want to take my parents somewhere. I want to take them on a quick trip… hmm.. huntington library maybe?

I want to do all the same for my children when I have my own family. I can’t wait until i teach them all the things my parents have taught me while growing up.

I hope I’m going to be a good Mom =)

12am

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 06:12:09 -0400

It’s been about 4 years since I’ve slept so early. I guess i’ve been pretty much sleep deprived the past several years because i woke up feeling so refreshed and rejuvenated—almost a resurrection of some sort (haha… or more like, that boost of energy you get when you eat a mushroom in Mario Kart).

I love keeping myself busy and having something different to do every minute and hour. i love writing tasks down that i have to accomplish for the day and planning ahead. but i love being spontaneous, not having a schedule and just going along with what the day has to throw at me, too. if not more.

My memory span has been getting worse and worse and i feel like it’s almost necessary for me to jot things down sometimes. it just sounds comforting and nice to have memories to read and look back on years down the road from now.

I’ve always enjoyed the outdoors, not only because it exercises the body, but also… the mind and soul. Working out is a must in my schedule and going to bed super early last night kinda gave me even more energy. Talk about energy overload, i worked out twice today within 5hours. My legs are starting to deteriorate and Justin told me i gotta stop with the cardio. This little brother is right. I want to keep my toned legs, not chicken legs -__- so for now, i’m just sticking to lifting weights and possibly some cardio from time to time just to keep up with a happy, healthy heart.

I did something really random today. I joined not the HK organization on campus, but the TW one! (TAO) The people are really nice and i clicked really well with Vicky the first time i met her. She and along with Harrison are officers and i was invited to their big house party last week. It was a lot of fun… definitely a much needed and well-deserved night =).

Their t-shirts are pretty cool too. It says “I Love TW” just like the i love newyork shirts, but for the “I”… it was the Taipei 101 tower. I thought that was pretty clever! but dude, what is going on! i dont even have a “I Love HK” shirt and i’m repping TW first?? lol it’s all goooood :D

We watched a film and it was about Taiwan’s farmers in the rural areas. It was really sad but it just made me want to pursue my goal even more. even harder. Once i earn a sufficient amount of money, I’m going to go back to Asia and share the wealth.

My parents taught me growing up that because i am blessed, it only makes sense that i share that blessing. I totally agree.

I called my dad immediately after the film was over to share what i saw with him. I knew my dad helped his family farmed before but i never really asked him for the details. I was telling him how sad and unfortunate it was for the farmers and it got to me even more when i found out my dad went through all of that before too. Getting bit by leeches, working really hard and going home to no dinners, to surviving and enduring all the hardships. My dad really taught me and showed me through his years of hard work with his business to be a strong, independent and determined individual. I hope he knows how blessed I feel to be his daughter…

I came home, shared the film with my friends and then my roomies wanted to go on a Ralph’s run really quick. Ralph’s is literally a 3 minute walk from my apartment and we took the car =\ lazy lazy lazy roomies! loll i couldnt stop laughing, maybe it’s just because i get amused easily? but oh man, those lazy kids! I got my favorite chips: Hawaiian Maui Onion flavored potato crisps :D om nom nom. but eff my life because i ate the whole bag while chatting with mike online. i wish i got ice cream, too. It’s almost 3 in the morning, i can’t believe it.

I havent posted pictures in so long. will do once i’m not so lazy -__-

I'm the chapter to your title.

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 04:10:00 -0400

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NHyGANyFZE

Tristan Prettyman_The Story

Well I’m the icing on the cake
I’m the secret ingredient you’re missing
Down the sidewalk but not complete
And I’m the reason that, baby you’re tripping
On decisions you didn’t make
I’m the chance you chose not take
And I’m the one you wish you were kissin’
Pray for clear skies tonight
You better start wishin’

So you write the title
I’ll write the chapters
We could read a story of love gone disaster
You write the moral
And I’ll write the lesson
We could read a love that kept us guessin’

Cause I’m in the question
You are in the reason
Soon this will change
Just like the seasons
My leaves will fall
While you’re turning cold
And the colors are on the ground are so bright and so bold
And I’ll make no motion
You’ll hold me tightly
I’ll look at you as you let me down lightly
Oh the story always ends up like this
Another opportunity that you’re going to miss

Only dead fish go with the flow.

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 15:57:13 -0400

It’s been a really long time since i’ve seen two of the most inspirational guys in my life. It was a lot of fun and by the end of the night, my body was so relaxed that I to bed early and woke up early to start the day right.

We went to grab dinner and brought the food back to Justin’s place to eat. We chilled, caught up on each other’s life, captured the moment on Jess’ facebook wall, drank a bottle of deliciousness for the first time with Justin, made jokes, it was just good times galore!

Throughout the whole time sitting near the dinner table, we were talking about going into the jacuzzi and how nice it would be. Little did we know, we ended up hanging out in one by the end of the night! It was a lot of fun indeed! :D

I haven’t had such a relaxing night in a long, long time and I think last night was well deserved.

Before all that happened, yesterday was actually our team’s Regional Launch Event! I got an award for being Star 500. i dont want Star 500. I want my Gold or Ruby. That is my goal in the next 2 months and before the next event in December.

I feel like I’ve become a little anti-social. I don’t really know whether it’s a good thing or bad because I’m still happy and still feel all the joy and fun about life. As what I’ve been telling many concerned friends, it’s just that i’m in another chapter or stage in life where I feel like it’s time to grow up and to do something about the goals i have. I really find fun and pleasure in meeting successful people and working with them because not only have they taught me so much about personal growth, but they taught me how to become a stronger minded individual. I still have my emotional roller coaster moments during the day, but i’m learning how to be in control of all the thoughts that i have and so far, I am proud of myself but still not enough. I know i still haven’t been putting my full 200% into all the things i say i would. I need to take action now.

I always thought the Range Rover wasn’t that great looking… but lately, I’ve been really liking the white Range Rover. THAT is my dream car and I AM GOING TO GET IT!

Everything right now is geared towards retiring my dad and giving my parents and little brother a good life with no worries and the luxuries they well deserve.

Just six months, I’m excited to know where I’ll be and how much I’m about to accomplish.

love,

crystal.

bittersweet.

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 17:39:00 -0400

I’m leaving for shanghai in less than a week and I’m stoked. Yet, I’m not as excited as i imagined myself to be when i realized that there were only 4 more days of living with my bestfriends. As excited as i am to live in my new place next year, i’d choose to live with my current roomies in the same place… in a heart beat. :(

i just realized how much stuff i have to take care of before my flight!!!

-pack to move out … :(
-pack for shanghai
-arrange plans for my brother’s 15th birthday
-shanghai project
-2 more finals
-internship
-hangouts

#1 spend more time with my roomies. and ofcourse, my family.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————

heyyougracielou: yeah, dude. your ass cant drive
heyyougracielou: you’ll find a way to be nervous
heyyougracielou: on those wide-ass irvine street
heyyougracielou: DO I CHANGE LANES NOW. WHAT ABOUT NOW.
heyyougracielou: THERE’S NO CAR IN THE OTHER LANE
heyyougracielou: CAN I GO

and no matter how much she makes fun of me, there’s only pure love for this girl

Love, I make it Unconditional

Fri, 22 May 2009 11:11:00 -0400

Jason Mraz- Lucky

Another quarter/school year that flew by. Here I am, only been home in LA for just a night and I already miss being “home… away from home.”—my roommates. as corny as it sounds.

I live on the first floor of a wonderful apartment in Campus Village christened Disneyland (“the happiest place on UCI”), occupied with about 2 girls and a pet, situated at the heart of our evergreen campus. Okay, just kidding. We do not have a pet, but actually, an adopted member we refer to as Man of the House.

Privacy is nonexistent. Quiet hours resemble communism: excellent in theory, but a disaster when applied. I practically have to find myself a dungeon by crawling across campus to facilities to complete academic necessities (i.e. reading, studying, and sleeping, b/c that’s nonexistent in the house, too. At least for me.).

Twenty-four hour counseling is available to everyone all you need to do is… honestly, you don’t even need to take action and a roommate is guaranteed to be there to lend you a shoulder to lean on, some insightful advice, and possibly some thousand calories-worth of creampuffs, cookies, & ice cream to cheer you up.

Sleep is optional. Laughter, Hugs, and Love in this house is inevitable.

This school year has been a rollercoaster ride for me in so many ways and it was really my roommates who kept me sane. They are my rock, my anchor—the ones who kept me mentally sound, whether when I was living the time of my life with energy overload or hitting rock bottom, they were always there despite their busy schedules. There’s always one quarter that is better than the rest, but this year, I loved Every-Single-One. Every single moment, quarter, month, hour, minute, second. This year, it’s already lived up and even more with the daily spontaneities and unpredictable happenings that keep coming. Only the best adventures on earth in this Disneyland themed building we breathe and live in.

this quarter has been passing by especially fast, but I really had the time of my college experience that i really want junior year to not end. I want to freeze time and really wish this year can just go on forever. Everything in life is almost close to perfect. My parents are the most understanding, optimistic and supportive bestfriends I was blessed with since I was in formation of an embryo. I have the most amazing group of close friends back home that in every reunion we have, feels as if we’ve never left each other to begin with. I am beyond lucky to have met some of the most genuine and down to earth people through jobs I’ve had and organizations and clubs I’ve joined. Not only did many of them become my closest friends but they taught me so much about not only life, but so much more about myself and I owe it all to them.

Then of course, my perfect second family. My roommates. I considered even the closest friends I’ve made in high school as just “very close friends” because I was never comfortable enough to title anyone as “BFF” because of the past. Until I met Jessica, Vena and Ray, was I able to comfortably and genuinely embrace what a Best Friend meant and was able to finally call one of my bestest friends in the world, Kai—my bff. I feel a bit immature and middle school-like talking about “oh, this is my best friend and this one and OH EM GEE the world is my best friend!” … but it’s a feeling that words cannot explain. all I can say is that… these two simple, but very important words mean more to me than what it literally interprets.

We’re always doing our own thing and we are each so different in so many ways, but without one of them, it just wouldn’t be the same. This family wouldn’t be complete.

It feels as if everything I do is fun, even going to class. I even get excited knowing that I can go to class just so I can multitask: eat my snacks, take notes on my jank of a laptop, read my NYtimes, chat and complain to friends online about how I’m stuck in a ridiculous 3 hour lecture (no, I am not a loser! Haha!). and then the best part about class ending… being able to go “home” to my perfect family. I really look forward to going home after class or after a long night out to see them. I’ve even refuse to sleepover at friends’ even if I get really plastered b/c there’s just no place like home… but then there are consequences of embarrassing myself with my drunk conversations and behaviors. Oh yeah, I’m just going to write this down here just so I wont forget. One weekend, they all went home to visit and I came home just a bit tipsy. I ended up cleaning the whole apt., which includes scrubbing the bathtub and toilet, and I constantly went on FB to keep them updated with what I completed from our list of chores and what I was going to clean next.

Sometimes… actually, everyday—my energy level is just i don’t know, out of control? I even think my roomies think I’m crazy when I burst out with laughter out of no where, zone out literally LOL-ing/ ROFLMAO, while chatting but then there’s Ray to balance all of us out. He’s almost like the dad who keeps his girls in tack. Even though his music is way too loud, sings too loud and thinks he’s Wang Lee Hom (he even goes to shower with it on blast. FML), tells me to go to sleep when he knows I hate sleeping bc it’s a waste of my precious time, lies to me all the time, attempts to take over my bed, … but I know I will miss them so much when we all have to move out and especially when they’ll be gone to study abroad when I come back from Shanghai. Then Vena, the most amazing room mate throughout my college years, will no longer be the companion I fall asleep with when having a heart to heart. She was there by my side throughout every step of my college career and I cannot thank her enough for all that she has done for me. I really don’t know where I would be without these three.

With Jessica, I wonder what I have done to deserve a bestfriend, a sister like her. She started off calling me mom because I liked caring about her as if she’s my daughter. We then became bestfriends.. then the sister I’ve always asked for… to inseparable Lovers. There’s something beautiful between us that will always remain a mystery to us b/c we just can’t explain the friendship that we share (yes homo). You think living together with this girl is enough? Nope, not even close. Just to name a few so I can reminisce when I read this entry later on… We do all the basics together: eating, cooking, studying, shopping. Then we go clubbing, partying, drinking and coming home with blisters and hangovers. We run our miles and 20flights of stairs together. Hustle for our moneys like the divas that we are together. Have our heart to hearts on life, love, boys, family, friends… together. She’s the last person I see before I sleep, and I wake up to her morning breath that smells like flowers, everyday. When we’re not together, we’re texting, calling and visiting each other… even if we’re just simply at work or even home visiting for the weekend. We join things on campus together and every time they try to separate us, epic fail happens.

The three have seriously taught and given me so much and without a doubt, I have found my best friends and i owe it all to them.

Wherever life takes us, know that you guys will always have the most special place in my heart because the love I have for you guys is just, forever. Okay, that was pretty cheesy (it’s just one of those moments again. You guys are probably used to it by now) but…

to say I love the three of you… is just never enough.

love,
crystal.